Gather round, my peeps. Dudes! Dudettes! I'm certain everyone knows about Professor Robert Putnam's so-called Uppsala paper and the consequences it has for us all. I mean, it's all over the internet, everywhere. What? Oh really? Oh, all right then. How about Ashley Dupre on the NY Jets and their chances against the Colts? No? Maybe - please - maybe Ashley Dupre on dating and relationships? No? I give up.

She wants $40 for a bikini waxing. "Can I have forty bucks to wax my thing?" I think it was Thomas Berger who wrote, "I absolutely worship the English language."

I want you to understand this: "Soon, when they buy plane tickets online, travelers will be prompted to contribute two dollars, two euros, or two pounds to development aid - a form of innovative financing that could help save millions of lives." This sentence was composed by Philippe Douste-Blazy. What does it mean? What does it mean to you, specifically?

Charles Krauthammer has informed us that Europe wants recognition as a "leader" in world affairs despite (basically) doing little but sucking on America's tit for about sixty years now. Can we have a show of hands?

In one of my largely unknown novels I wrote about a half-erection, "It wasn't hard, but at least he was able to get it in there" - I now confess to all the world that I plagiarized this from Richard Yates. Ya happy? You! And you thought I was going to start ranting about the world's first and only mail order religion, the Psychiana of Frank B. Robinson. You!